I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
you had me at cake vodka
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Randomize
