I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
