he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
