Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
