bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Randomize
