so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
We had sex on a dog bed..
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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