Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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