Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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