When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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