I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
