I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
