Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Farmville is her only friend.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
