just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
