On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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