Cold hands, warm shart.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
