is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
