is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
this beer tastes like vomit already
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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