bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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