Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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