i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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