Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
