census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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