I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
