I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
