I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
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