im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
