Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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