Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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