I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
