Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
