oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
