I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
