you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
