See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
