i was born a porn star she said
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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