your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
