I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
