The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Randomize
