I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
