ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
