I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
