I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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