If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
