How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
