I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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