I wish I could punch you in the face.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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