Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I cut my penus on the lid.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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