Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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