i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
