I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
