I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
